This post may trigger differences in opinion and certainly has the potential to stimulate emotional reactivity or feelings of injustice. If you read on, please do so with an open mind and heart while taking in my next words. Your feelings are entirely validated and worthy as an individual, you are entitled to every part of your process including those feelings of rage, anger, hate and malice that Can come with trauma recovery. Not all of this perspective will sit right, it doesn't need to. There's no right or wrong to anything, it is simply food for thought and another way of looking at a situation with the hope of relieving some of the uncomfortable emotions many of us go through when we process the receiving and memory of abuse in any scale.
I was really thrown off during a conversation about society once, when a woman said to me "You know, I don't understand why people just want to kill murderers and rapists. What if we actually helped them, and actually spent more time teaching them compassion- right from wrong, and healing the traumas that made them that way. Don't you think that would help them and society a hell of a lot more?"
It was a huge statement, it was a massive trigger, but it was exactly what I needed to hear at that point in time to help me turn a light bulb back on.
She threw me back because I was totally in the mind frame of "If anyone is that indecent to humanity they just shouldn't be here." I was battling with feelings of hatred towards my perpetrator and battling accepting that I was allowed those feelings in the first place. But it had been 2 years since the start of that rage, 2 years since the first sign and rise of the sharpness cutting through my body/emotions. I really wanted to be free of it and as much as I tried to show compassion and understanding to the perpetrator my words could not match up to my raw emotion. It seemed like I could go into my body a thousand times to process the emotion and it didn't even go anywhere.
I don't condone abuses or taking another persons free will in any way, it was just that the conversation sparked an initial feeling of injustice followed quickly by a huge amount of awe for this woman, once I put my experiences aside she seemed strange and beautiful in that moment. I squinted at her in slight confusion, but then I felt my heart warm and my eyes teared up as the perspective sunk in. She reminded me who I was before the trauma took over all parts of me. She was so compassionate when she spoke, that was the part that threw my ego as well. That old, sense of injustice, but I was quickly reminded of what I once would have said about a learning human and a learning soul too. She wasn't so spiritual, so her perspective came in a slightly different angle. Nonetheless it was the humane part of her that made me light. I hadn't noticed that I'd lost compassion for a soul until that moment. I was far too absorbed in my emotions. This conversation was the game changer I'd been pleading for. As usual, the answer came amidst a conversation, just a sentence I needed to hear.
6 months prior I was battling with my first experience of primal drive, if the conversation came up I would have the want and the visions of inflicting harm on the perpetrator, on an irreversible level. I don't want to say the words. They're still too harsh for my sensitive soul. But it really freaked me out, this wildness was so alien to me I'd never felt it or seen such images in my head like before, but it was obvious the deepest parts of my psyche were enraged more than I ever knew. The memories were stored inside a long time after all, so it wasn't so much a surprise in some ways but it made me think "This is exactly how a murderer can and probably does feel. But they don't have the right parts of them telling them NO." Obviously it was something I would never act on, but man it was scary to think it even existed in me. The capacity for primal, animalistic drives. It's thanks to our prefrontal cortex that we have the ability to Think things through, to stop us from acting out on impulses and gives us rationality.
Fast Forward: The Soul Truth is we all learn from mistakes and as a soul that's the prime purpose of incarnation.
I'd become so attached to it all that the personalisation of it caused me to forget that they were a developing human too, a developing soul that is not comprehending, intentional or understanding. How could I be angry at a toddler? That was what came over me next.
This might be hard to hear, but it's true. The harm isn't intentional. The majority of abusers aren't thinking about the harm, they're actually not self aware enough for it to be intentional, but being in the emotion of it all doesn't make you see or feel awareness in a higher frame of perspective.
And even the ones that come from a psychopathic thought pattern of "I'm going to make him pay" are usually highly traumatized, a relatively infant and young soul, or have suffered trauma to the prefrontal cortex. Most haven't learned or been shown a lot of compassion and I know the next response (one I've said many times) "Yeah but I know so many people who've been abused and don't repeat it. You still have a choice." They do indeed, but you know what? They are technically still in childhood as far as their souls evolvement is going. Which you and I, and the next person have done also. All you need to do is meditate to seek more understanding and embody the true pathway of feelings. Search the pathways in your past lives, you'll see how eventually with time and experience you learned like each and every one of us how to mature, how to be compassionate and how to love with more appropriate emotional maturity.
On a larger scale a young soul, having zero concept of what love and compassion is has a lot more learning to do, it isn't personal, not on the bigger scale. Not on the wavelength of personal soul plans. We each face a different set of adversities in this life to teach us some pretty core understandings. 1. Self love 2. Compassion and understanding 3. Source (self, divine, light)
Just as a baby has no thought process of their effect on others, they are simply demanding their needs and a toddler who is use to having these needs met has to face the stroppy transition of learning that "wants" aren't always given like their needs.
It takes age and guidance but some children take longer to learn right? Some kids inherently have more compassion, these souls have already had more lives than the kid that isn't quite grasping on to how to share.
Now I'll touch base on some heavier stuff still. Something else that happened to help me process this understanding about intentions, sexual choices and abuses was when my guides put me through a dream process. I always know it's them when the message is so bright and in my face. That way I can't miss it.
I had a very lucid dream that my teenage nephew and young niece who'd been separated most of their lives were caught fondling in the room. Naturally, my initial reaction (which I shoved back down my body very fast) was rage, shock and anxiety.
My guides really don't do things half assed. They're like "Eve, you need more compassion. Let us show you this way..."
Once I shoved the reaction down I asked them to come down from the bunks, I'm quick about my reactivity because the first thing that comes in to my head when it comes to kids is "Don't make them feel unsafe." So I talked to them. My heart opened up pretty quick because I realised I was talking to two messed up children who weren't entirely aware of what they were doing. The boy although older was still emotionally very behind, the girl coming into hormonal stages. I knew in my heart yelling and screaming shameful anger at them wasn't the right thing to do, I would never shame a developing child sexually. They're curious , they're hormonal and they're also learning.
So in this moment I had to think "Don't be too reprimanding, they have NO idea what's acceptable in this kind of exploration, and shaming them will not help to guide them." So anyway I talked calmly and explained that they were family etc. etc. Age appropriation, alternatives to exploring with someone else and so forth. They were totally receptive and they understood, rather than sending them into a flight mode like what would happen if you do start yelling, hitting and shouting they said apologised and we all came out from the room and moved on. Thankfully this was just a dream but in the back of my mind I was saddened by it, that I knew it wasn't their fault and that they just needed to be taught.
I knew my guides were just helping me get through the compassion thing, all my anger I was directing at all perpetrators was the same situation as this dream, their souls are learning and if I really did walk in on my kids doing this sort of thing that would be how I deal with it. As the conversation began "What if we helped them." With the kids- I wouldn't blame them for what happened or shame them, I'd show them compassion and really explain where the right doorway was for them.
I do not condone this kind of behavior, I'm only sharing another perspective because the learning soul will not only learn faster but it'll also become more aware of it's impact when it's guided more appropriately in the world. Take the name away and take the face away, that's a light just like the rest of us. That has no personalisation to it and there is another level of Strength which comes from our divine plan when choosing to receive and recover from such traumas. We are all the same substance, there's no real intent in us, one day we outgrow what we use to wear and none of matches us the same anymore. I found my forgiveness after many years of finding different avenues and aspects, different processes and different feelings. Finally I could look at it without being IN it, and experience the sensation of watching another human grow, as I did too. But, I do not want them in my life still, and I doubt that I will go into working in the prisons and aid this process. But then in the same sentence, everyone does do clouded things when they're in a traumatic or unhealthy mind frame and everyone does make mistakes. Even you and I hurt people as we go through the motions, they me be a far lesser degree of harm but there is no intent in it, we were just really messed up and unable to see. I never thought I'd have compassion for a sexual abuser but I do now, I still let myself feel rage when I hear of harm on other people in this way as that injustice rises to the surface. But I am reminded of my compassion as a way for me to feel free. Not for them, but for me.